I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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