Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize