$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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