There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
handjob tips. give me some.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My legs feel like baby dolphins
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize