Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
