So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
