people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Randomize
