yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
