You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
