ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
