Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize