we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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