Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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