Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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