so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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