My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
