Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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