my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
