I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
