I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
