love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
