True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
