I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
