I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
