My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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