wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
