I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
