Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
