allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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