WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
