I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
be right there i have to get my cape
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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