i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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