Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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