I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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