You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
