the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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