it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
