i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
