i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize