She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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