i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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