does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize