why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Found the puke drawer
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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