So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
