I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
