Kiss
Puke
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
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