its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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