I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
