But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
