I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
