I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize