i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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