This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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