But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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