I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
