today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
