God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
