the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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