Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
