I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i dont even know how to be here
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He has the fingertips of a God
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