just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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