The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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