i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
