it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
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