Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
