Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Who died my cat blue again?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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