Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize