The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
