She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
