Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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