Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
