girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
