mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
